Earl’s Journey into Retirement (revisited)
A New Stage in Life
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Earl had no idea how boring golfing could be.
During the first six months of his retirement, Earl felt liberated from his long hours of work as a product developer for Hewlett-Packard (HP). He went to bed when he wanted and got up in the morning when he was rested -- not always watching the clock, which he had to do while he was working long hours at his job.
And he played golf three times a week -- something he never could do while he was working. In doing so, he gradually joined a group of men who also routinely played golf on the same days every week.
They were all having fun together. At least, that’s what he first thought. But he eventually found golfing was not all that much fun anymore -- and that his new cohorts were also becoming bored with the game.
Charlie finally said what the whole group could understand: "My wife couldn't stand me moping around the house any longer. That’s why I’m here. It’s an escape."
Yes, escape from always being home – in the house – where, Jane, Earl’s wife of 49 years, always had little tasks for him to do. Fix the faucet. Sweep the basement. Weed the flowers. But that became “old,” too. It was not his type of retirement.
Earl knew he was slumping into a bitchy mood. And he knew his reluctance to be a “fix-it” guy irritated Jane. Yes, chore-sharing was a good idea, since they were both now retired, but there must be more to life than just fixing things that in the end really don’t matter that much.
So, Earl escaped to the golf course, got a sun tan and became one of the best customers for Golden Heights Golf, Inc.
But golfing just wasn't what it was when Earl was working. He felt frustrated, disappointed and -- the truth be told -- angry because this was not what retirement was supposed to be about either -- what he worked so hard for all those years at the office.
The camaraderie with his fellow golfers was good but not the same as the relationships with his fellow product developers at work. At work, there was a routine and clear expectations of what to do and not do – and the cocktails at the local pub after an important project got the wrap.
Retirement was turning out to be not at all like that. It was confusing, and Earl felt empty inside for the first time in his life.
Earl tried volunteering for Meals on Wheels to get himself out of the house and off the golf course. It’s where he met Ted, who had worked in IBM sales. He always looked forward to stopping at Ted’s with his noon meal.
But Meals on Wheels kind of fell flat after a while because Earl was beginning to discover that he needed something which would dovetail with his tech background. He stopped doing Meals on Wheels, using the excuse that he heard it was going to be a bad winter and he didn’t want to navigate the snowy streets any more.
That following summer, he and Jane tried traveling. They took a road trip through Canada. It was enjoyable, but checking in and out of motels reminded Earl of his days as a young guy on the road for HP. It was kind of fun back then but now “old hat” – and not the life he wanted to repeat as a 68-year-old.
After the kids got into the routine of school during ‘60s, Jane went back to teaching high school social studies and history. She spent 29 years in the classroom.
Earl felt she was making the transition to retirement better than he was. After all, she had her book club of retired teachers from the school, sewing group from the neighborhood and a standing request for helping the grand kids get home from their after-school activities.
“Go get a part-time job,” Jane finally suggested one day after the hubbub of the year-end holidays. “You’re again slipping into a not-helpful mood,” she pointed out.
She then noted that Earl was watching about seven hours of TV a day. That ticked Earl off.
Was she monitoring him that closely? What’s wrong with watching TV? How else is a guy supposed to keep up with “breaking news”? It’s good to be informed.
Earl didn’t give Jane’s comment about a part-time job a second thought until he met Dan at the local barbershop six weeks later. Both were waiting their turn for the barber’s chair as Dan thumped through the daily paper, noting out loud how tight the labor market had become since the pandemic.
“I’ve been looking for a part-timer to serve customers at my computer shop for a couple of months now,” Dan noted out loud as he folded the newspaper. “Can’t find anyone.”
“Who are you looking for?” Earl casually asked.
“We fix and maintain computers – and specialize in tech troubleshooting as a sideline for residents of senior living facilities around town for a flat yearly fee. We need someone with a tech background who can relate to the mature adult market.”
“Those with gray hair and lots of basic tech questions.” Earl clarified with a grin.
“Right. It’s something a high school kid can’t always do.”
“I may be your guy.”
Dan took it from there, and they’ve been working together for two years now, gradually adding elder clients throughout the metro area.
Earl can’t promise Jane that someday he may slide back into feeling hollow. All he knows now is that he enjoys visiting his clients and helping them navigate the technology they need to stay in touch with their family, friends and the world.
That’s Earl’s purpose right now. It seemed like a long time coming – being liberated from work hours, becoming disappointed with too-much golf, experimenting with volunteer work and finally discovering a reason to get up each morning.
But it’s been worth the jagged journey. Time seems to slide by so quickly for Earl right now as he gradually gets to know each of his clients and learn about their own personal life stories.
And he plays golf once in a while with the guys.
Earl’s takeaway tip from his story: Take time to discover how to best shape retirement as a new stage in life.
Here’s to elderhood and vulnerability!
Jim Hasse, ABC, GCDF retired, author of “Opening Up” newsletter
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Interesting. Dave also had a more difficult time with retirement than was true for me. Maybe it's because our society encourages/almost forces men to work. Even though we've come a long way, society still views women as secondary wage earners and pays accordingly. I wonder if part of that is the result of household and childcare responsibilities that continue to be in most women's daily task list??
In 2005, I became certified as a Global Career Development Facilitator at 62 in the middle of a 17-year stint in which my content was geared toward helping people with disabilities find meaningful work.
In 2018, at 75, I still pictured myself as self-employed, trying to sell my disability-employment content online.
2018 was also the year Pam, my wife, and I decided to search for the right senior living community for us. We took two years to visit, research and compare seven different senior living facilities and finally decided to relocate from Madison, WI, to The Pillars of Prospect Park in Minneapolis to be near more of our family members.
That transition gave me a new appreciation for the four phases of retirement which took me 27 years to pass through.
And, thank you, George Dow, who recently spearheaded an OLLI course, “The Four Phases of Retirement” (see www.georgedow.com). George helped me recognize my own jagged journey into retirement.
At 51, I decided to quit my corporate communication job of 29 years to start my own consulting business in 1994. I felt “liberated” from the daily grind of office work.
After four years of making very little income, I finally admitted I was not cut out for the consulting world or corporate communication research. I call that my “disappointment” phase of retirement.
But a memoir I published in 1996 paved the way to an online content management job in 1999. It was for a nonprofit, where I worked full time for 10 years, writing and editing content about disability awareness and disability employment.
During another nine years after that, I had an opportunity to self-publish materials for helping parents of special needs children become “family career coaches.” Those 19 years were the “experimentation” phase of retirement, when I made a lot of connections but found I was not yet fully connecting with the people who needed my insight.
When Pam and I moved to The Pillars in 2020 at the beginning of the pandemic, I realized people of my age were not only finding their way through the four phases of retirement and the perils of the pandemic. They were trying to make sense of age-related limitations. This was my “discovery” phase of retirement.
I’m now dedicated to this one cause: using my experience with disability to help my fellow elders adjust psychologically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually to age-related vulnerability -- and provide them with the tools to share their insights and values with family and friends.
* When did you discover retirement had a new meaning for you?